breaking the ice

The soundtrack of my life in the last year has been the sound of the engines of planes and trains. With my iPod that has changed now. In order to avoid situations as the ones described below, where I start randomly dancing on the street or singing in the tram I have uploaded mainly silent background music.
Right now I am sitting on the train from Brussels to Strasbourg. It is 5 hours ride in a train without restaurant car, without snacks … nothing.
In my compartment the electricity has some difficulties, most of the time no light and definitely no heating.
I have had a very intense view days in Brussels now, meeting people I have not seen since before Christmas, bureau meeting, going out, drinking, discovering friends and a lot of talking – more and less meaningful stuff.
So now I am in the train; tired, cold and back to Strasbourg.
Although I am in Strasbourg probably the second most often after Vienna, I still do not feel home there. I do not really have friends, luckily Pino is there quite often with me, and otherwise I would have gone mad already.
In Brussels I am not so often, but I feel home there. There are always people I really like to spend time with, there are people I love and that inspire me, that I can have fun with and serious talks. Whenever I am in Brussels I also meet people I know on the streets and in bars – that really gives me a homey feeling.
I love Vienna, it is my favourite city in the world and my most important and long-term friends do live there; but it is also good to know that there are friends in Brussels that are very dear to me.
But here I am, in the train; tired and cold – and really sad that I had to leave Brussels, that I am going to spend a desperate week in Strasbourg, not knowing what to do every evening, not knowing who to spend quality time with and my sad soundtrack from the iPod.
I have to remember to put some cheer up and happy music on again…

I found a memory yesterday, in a conversation and in a smiling face – flash back to warm nights, almost left behind…
There were times where I wanted to hurt for the tears I cried, when all the dreams and hopes started vanishing. Those hurt feelings became a dangerous thing; there were times where I just kept dreaming on and times where I just wanted to go a little back in time, but time is a healer and all hearts that break are put back together again, cause love heals the wounds it makes.

All of those things we did together, well they are part of my live forever, I hold the joy and the pain and the truth is – I miss you.

I have bought myself a Christmas present – an ipod nano.
It’s a beautiful little darling and we have a very intense relationship. I feel like a film star since our love became real.
I walk on the streets of my little village with snow falling and listen to Katia Keres version of “All I want for Christmas” and felt like in this years Christmas film, starring Tim Allen, the little kid who just wants her daddy back.
I walk on the rainy street (rain makes the tonnes of snow melt and the whole mud really sucks) today and ABBA starts with “Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find” and back it was, me in a very sad Hollywood drama where in the most woeful moment it starts to rain and my feet were wet and I was feeling blue.
Just a little later I entered the tramway and was listening to the “juke box jive” from the Rubettes, and I felt like in the middle of an Austin Powers film with this old tramway…
This all might not be new for you, who have had mp3 players before, but for me those are the first days I am listening to music on the streets and it feels great. I feel a bit weird and moody with all my ups and downs, depending on what I am listening to, but I feel important, so it is less irritating than it would usually be that I miss the one or other stop that I should get off the tram or metro by singing along something.
I’m off now to listen to some “dreadlock holiday” from 10cc to get a bit of Jamaica feeling here… was feeling funereally enough earlier today because of “ain’t no sunshine” from David Cassidy!